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ONLINE GAME SLANG LINGO [oGc]

Not for the faint hearted. Over 16s only please. Thanks goes out to the BMW Squad for donation of thier Profanisaurus.

• BUGGER a term used when one is in a server and can not use foul abusive terms like FUCK SOCKS , FUCK A DUCK , FUCK ME A BUS


• CUNTO a term of endearment used to ones mate , as in - " hey cunto pass the salt ."
• FEEL THE BURN to feel the burn in a game is to be fucked up by a BMW quality launched Spud from a great distance and be taunted a second time with " In de heeeeeeeeeeeeed "( rv - In de heeeeeeeeeeeed )
  
  
• FUCK SOCKS  an exclamation made upon being killed by some lame shagwit with a hankering for lagging like a 3 toed sloth.
  
  
• FUCK A DUCK an exclamation made when not doing too well  / also to slip ones hampton up a ducks ass.
  
  
• FUCK ME A BUS an exclamation also made when being ass whipped by a quality player and ya cant find him or her.
  
  
• IN DE HEEEEEEEEEEEEED a taunt used by BMW when a head shot is achieved.
  
  
• NICE - the last word most likely to be found said in a server after the game ends and the apposing team has felt the burn for a considerable amount of time and a massive amount of In de heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed has been exclaimed.
  
  
• T or COFFEEthis is a saying BMW have adapted that follows a shagwit typing " TTTTTT " in a game because he or she cant understand why he or she dies so easily and blames it on lag, but the fact of the matter is ,they felt the burn .
  
  
• SHIT To shit; defecate; sink the Bismarck (qv), build a log cabin (qv), crimp one off (qv), light a bum cigar (qv), drop a loaf (qv), pushing a turtles head (qv)  etc. 2. n. Crap; excrement; stools; faecal matter. 3. Git; sod; get; a shitty person, usually “little”. 4. Crap; useless. As in “Shit weather for this time of year eh vicar?
  
  
• SWAMP DONKEY  Female bereft of physical beauty; tug boat; boiler; sea monster; steg , beastie , fuckin ugly , brown paper bag over the head jobbie.
  
  
• SKANK see swamp donkey.
  
  
• DONNA a half chewed fly infested food substance found in the local and consumed after a hefty night out with the lads.
  
  
• DRY BUMto dry bum , to be dry bummed ,(qv) gona dry bum the bitch tonight,  a common term used in the shaggin of ones wench in the ol drain pipe , brown cow , pie hole , master blaster , ring , butt hole , ass.  without the use of any lubrication.  (AN AMAZING SPECIAL POWER TO BE NOTED IN THE HALL OF AMAZING SPECIAL POWERS OF AMAZING POWERS BY PEOPLE THAT HAVE AMAZING POWERS .)
  
  
• WORKwhat one does when one is not tearing up the battle field.
  
  
• ON A PROMISEthis is a common excuse for not being on DF used by most chaps when the trouble n strife , ball n chain , other bit , wench , cows pox has had enough of u on the pc and has loured u away with a promise of a good shaggin.
  
  
• MUFFTASH Facial hair suddenly acquired during the act of oral fornication. (qv) Growl at the badger. (qv) Dine from the furry plate.
  
  
• NELSON MANDELA An essential part to any BMW members kit. An amber nectar consumed in vast amounts with an amazing capability of creating a 6th sense scenario. Super human powers emerge in the form of talking absolute dribble to complete strangers whist performing the act of groping unknown members of the female variety.
  
  (AN AMAZING SPECIAL POWER TO BE NOTED IN THE HALL OF AMAZING SPECIAL POWERS OF AMAZING POWERS BY PEOPLE THAT HAVE AMAZING POWERS.)
  
  AKA: Wifebeater. e.g. "Excuse me Mr bartender, could one possibly have a pint of your finest Wifebeater? .... Oh and a bag a nuts please squire."
  
  
• WIFEBEATER To have consumed too much of the ol' Loudmouth soup and to arrive home kebabless (see DONNA) at 3 a.m and proceed to beat ones sleeping wife repeatedly over the HEEEEEEEEEED with a pillowcase. (see NELSON MANDELA)
  
  
• MR BROWN'S AT THE WINDOW The sudden realisation that one is; (qv) touching cloth. (qv) in the company of a curious turtle. (see SHIT) e.g. "Back in a minute chaps, I've got a mole on the counter."
  
  
• MINK n. A more upmarket name for the wife's beaver.
  
  
• SPACEHOPPER Realisation that one has been spending way too much time playing soldiers on the net with a bunch of fuckwits and has suddenly realised they have developed a huge nut sack. Problem arises when ones wife/partner/sheep refuses to 'permit entry to the wizard's sleeve/clown's pocket as they have been totally ignored for days perhaps weeks. Doctor Mojo prescribes a visit to: http://thehun.net/
  
  
• YAK A four legged holy beast who's name is often triumphantly exclaimed during games. e.g. "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKK!"
  
  
• FUCKIN NIGHTMARE this is what happens when you have way too much nelson ( see Nelson Mandela ) and are walking home with the mink ( see mink ) and decide to jump on her back n ride her like a pony. Only for her to end up in the infirmary the following day with a sprained ankle chipped bottom vertebrae and a slight concussion.
  
  
• HARRY POTTER - (qv) bespectacled geek with a Paul Daniel's magic trick set. (qv) to lay several claymore mines in a random manner thus causing much confusion as to where they've all came from. (AN AMAZING SPECIAL POWER TO BE NOTED IN THE HALL OF AMAZING SPECIAL POWERS OF AMAZING POWERS BY PEOPLE THAT HAVE AMAZING POWERS .) quote from our good friend DUSTY;*KAFUCKKINBOOOOOOOOOM*... "fuckin' Harry Potter!"
  
  
• BEAN FLICKER v same sex copulation, the art of flickin another's bean, carpet muncher , flick the man in the boat , to have a mufftash ,tongue n groove chipboard, lezzy.
  
  
• GHOST SHIT n. Stool , Mr Brown or dump of which there is no trace when one stands up and turns to admire it.
  
  
• GIMPA giant masked bummer kept in a box in the basement of a gun shop. e.g. Harry's gimp Cletus. *also go to TZW web site*
  
  
• RODEO SEX A bedroom game where the couple adopt the doggy position. The gentleman then calls out an ex-girlfriend's name and sees how long he can stay on for.
  
  
• OIL THE BAT  Polish the pork sword; lubricate the lamb canon.
  
  
• HIPOCROCADOGAPIG The ugliest wench you have ever laid eyes on: swamp donkey, steg, skank,etc.
  
  
• BEER MUGGER n. The man you discover has hit you over the head and taken £35 out of your wallet the morning after you 'nip out for a couple of Mandela's'.
• APE SHIT to go off the rails , on a mission , to pull a Rob , (qv) fuck me sideways he's going ape shit again !
  
  
• PINK DARTH VADER n. Knob. From the Star Wars character with a bell end (qv) helmet. From the same film shake hands with the Wookie, Hand Solo.
  
  
• FIST RAPE - n. Taking advantage of your fist after inviting it back to your place for a coffee and a flick through a dirty magazine. also see oil the bat
  
  
• FIZZING AT THE BUNG HOLE - Implies sexual arousal in a woman. “Was she hot or was she not!? Fizzing at the bung hole, she was”. Predominantly male usage, funnily enough.
  
  
• SHIT YA PANTS - To drop a brick , to lose a loaf in ya loafers , cake your kecks , paper your trollies , Mr brown came knocking n ya didn't open the door , mess ya rods , (qv) Jesus f Christ I was out with a hipocrocadogapig and got beer mugged so I decided to go for a Donna because I was out on the nelsons all night, and all I could think about was this other mink because she was fizzing at the bung hole , so I went home n decided to have a fist rape , and who was home ....... my mother ,,, I nearly shit my pants
  
  
• JAMMY CUNT  - someone that has managed to evade all the Harry Potters.
  
  
• TELLY PHONE SALES MAN annoying breed of the gimp that usually rings when Mr brown is at the window or when one is about to manipulate the mango , choke the chicken  (see Fist Rape or Oil The bat ) can normally be persuaded to go away with an abrupt FUCK OFF YA TWAT IM BIZY . If that fails there is always the quaint but direct technique I use (qv) Fuck off or ill hunt you down and fuck you cat your sister your mother then shit on your head while I singing god save the queen ,,, ya gimp !
  
  
• HEFFALUMPsee swamp donkey
  
  
• FUCK WITalso know as a shag wit , cock wart , numpty ,  (qv) hey fuck wit ,don't eat all the the walkers ya cunto
  
  
• MONGsee swamp donkey and heffalump
  
  
  
• SHERIFF OF TODMORDENa member of the BMW squad who resides in a forest and participates in an unusual past time, -anal eel manipulation- . also know to surf the tinternet for unusual sites and be found saying ," Rodger Rodger flight 311 shall be departing shortly, please make sure your trays are in the up right position and all cigarettes are extinguished before takeoff , thank you for flying air Elf ".  The Sheriff of tod has been seen lately with his partner , Bridget the Midget who is also an eel manipulator and partakes in ritual hamster molesting
  
  
• PENILE NUMBNESS - the sensation one get when you have spent way too much time on the PC and have gone beyond the spacehopper syndrome. When Henry is at this stage one should then proceed immediately to the art of Mango manipulation or Bash the bishop repeatedly until a box of cleanex is required , or for those that have a bit of crumpet at home( see mink ) try the Rodeo sex , works a charm. muu ha ha ha ha ha ha . if all else fails http://thehun.net
  
  
• ROGER THE CAT  ok , yep , righty o , oky dokey , aye captain . To also  abuse ones neighbours cat by tempting it with a jammy dodger and them giving it a right good ol buggering till its just a heap of masticated fluff.
  
  
• BOTTY COUGH Air biscuit , grunt , gaff , kebab perfume , fart , bottom burp , an expulsion of foul air from ones chamber of horrors , to step on a duck , to let loose the hounds of Baskerville.
  
  
• ISLE OF WAB - An Island of human hair situated inches off mainland Wabbit's hair. Inhabited by 6 creatures; 5 Nits and a Flea named Maurice, who's main food source is discarded remnants of bacon butties placed during the art of 'frustrated delta force head scratching syndrome.' e.g. "Where the fuckinell's that sniper??!!" *mufflesnafflescratchscratch*
  
  
• FIST MAGNET n. Someone who attracts punches to his face. e.g. Rob.
• RODS - Undergarments worn by members of the male species, often 'dirtied' on the discovery of well placed 'Harry Potters' (see Harry Potter) e.g. Wabbit: *KERFUCKINBANNNNNNGG!* "Fuck meeee sideways!!!! I just shit mi rods!!!"
  
  
• FLY'S EYES - n. A gentleman's party trick whereby the shorts or rods (see rods) are pulled tight between the legs so that the testicles bulge out on either side of the gusset.
  
  
• TARDIS FANNY n. Deceptively spacious snatch; cathedral; bargain bucket , av - fuck me a duck  I think I lost my watch in there , "wow you got a big cunt , wow you got a big cunt , wow you got a big cunt ..... why did u say it 3 times ,,,, I didn't "
  
  
• TOOTHLESS SEA LION -  Smelly and unkempt Minge (qv). As in “She had a fanny like a toothless sea lion”.  also known as bulldogs eating porridge.
  
  
• FRUIT BOWL - n. Two plums and a banana. The collective term for a gentleman's wedding tackle.
  
  
• FUCKSHITFUCKSHITFUCKSHITFUCKSHIT - exclaim. Phrase uttered when driving a car through a particularly tight space at too high a speed.
  
  
• KANGAROO SHAGGIN A SPACE HOPPER -  to be jumper by ones mink after the space hopper syndrome has reached epic proportions , a nasty violent brutal act of fornication . (qv) struth Fred she jumped me like a kangaroo shaggin a space hopper.
  
  
• GENITALIA FAILURE - n. Marshmallowing of the cock. 'The droop.' A condition often developed after consuming one too many of the ol' Nelson Mandela's. (see Nelson Mandela)
  
  
• GO COMMANDO - adj. To 'freeball.' To go out without rods. (see rods)
  
  
• BIG COCK DAY - A day, quite possibly in spring, the arrival of which is greeted with the dawn horn (qv) and throughout which the sap continues to rise. For example ‘As he wrestled himself into his shreddies, Harry knew it was going to be a big cock day’. (Pride And Prejudice by Jane Austin).
  
  
• GURNING CHIMP - n. A particularly expressive fanny.
  
  
• BROWN WINGS n. That honour bestowed on a man after he has completed a successful spell of dry bumming the wench and a fizzed bung hole has been put out to dry.
  
  
• HAIRACHE - The mother of all hangovers.
  
  
• OHHHHH MAN !! - the realisation the one is not going to able to make it to tree huggers stag doo and the consumption of massive amounts of nelson ( see Nelson Mandela ) will be achieved and one goes commando and hunts mongs for the night with a pork sword.
  
  
• HEDGEHOG - n. A fanny shaven five days ago. A 'face grater.'
  
  
• HUNT FOR BROWN OCTOBER - n. The act of seeking out and destroying a U-bend U-boat. With a bog brush or a stick.
  
  
• LKAJKJHFDLAKJSFHLKASJFL;K   an abrupt lash out at the keyboard also knows as , you mother fuckin ass shit fuck shit basted cunt shit shit shit ,man am I gona kill someone now !!! also see fuck socks , fuck a dick , fuck me a bus
  
  
• ANTI DEPRESSANTS - aka , the green pill or blue pill . standard consumption of or Robs diet to stop him from taking an axe to his family in the deep of the night , disturbing as it may sound it is also his philosophy to calm the world , philosophers have dwelt on this reaction for months and the thesis brought forward is ,he has Hank Syndrome ( a wacky tune playing in his head from Me my Self n Irene ). A common side affect of playing monopoly on-line and not finding this page funny . *Run4cover* -" god damn cat is pissing me off again , brb got to let it in" *Earlownz*   - " give it an Anti Depressant" *Run4cover* -" ...........Wha ?"

 

• STE'S CAT cute fluffy kitty weighing in at 250 lbs also knows as a Bengal tiger. Can be found most night sitting out side his window feasting upon the inhabitants of his quaint village. Ste found the beast half dead in the backwoods of the inbred forest and took it home to be raised as a cute fluffy ginger tom cat.
  
  
• DOG EGGS - n. Dog turds, often laid on the pavement.
  
  
• SETTING THE VIDEO - v. Sexual position, in which the lady is on her knees and elbows, with her arse in the air, tutting exasperatedly.
  
  
• DOG IN A BATH - n. A bedroom game like rodeo sex. e.g. 'The missus was setting the video last night and I was on my vinegar strokes when I called her by her sister's name. It was like trying to keep a dog in a bath.'
  
  
• DOG TRACK - n. A song (usually 'Lady in Red' or 'Angels') played at 10 to 2 in a nightclub, that precipitates a last attempt mad drunken dash by all remaining hounds. A Desperate Dance.
  
  
• FEED THE DUCKS - v. To 'wank'. Apparent same hand movements as feeding the local feathered floaters. Note; Do not confuse these in a public place, and never... I say never masturbate on a duck... "It'll peck yer pecker off!!!"
  
  
• DEAD OTTER - n. A single stool of immense proportions. Also known as 'The Brown October'.
  
  
• DESK LIFTER n. An attractive lady teacher who, on bending over to pick up some chalk can cause 30 desks to be raised simultaneously.
  
  
• COCK LODGER - n. A bloke who lives in his bird's house without paying rent.
  
  
• CHIMPING - V. Spanking the monkey whilst grinning from ear to ear. And having a cup of PG Tips.
  
  
• BEER MONKEY - n. A mythical simian creature which, during a drunken slumber, sneaks into your bed, ruffles your hair, steals your money and shits in your mouth.
  
  
• BEERWOLF - n. One who wakes up in unfamiliar surroundings with torn clothes, aching limbs, the taste of blood in the mouth and nightmarish flashbacks to terrible events of the previous evening.
  
  
• BEER MUFFS - n. Invisible ear defenders that attach themselves to a man's head after several pints, rendering him unable to hold a conversation without shouting or to watch TV at anything but full volume. (AN AMAZING SPECIAL POWER TO BE NOTED IN THE HALL OF AMAZING SPECIAL POWERS OF AMAZING POWERS BY PEOPLE THAT HAVE AMAZING POWERS.)
  
  
• BEER COAT - n. An invisible, yet warm coat worn when walking back from a club at three in the morning. (AN AMAZING SPECIAL POWER TO BE NOTED IN THE HALL OF AMAZING SPECIAL POWERS OF AMAZING POWERS BY PEOPLE THAT HAVE AMAZING POWERS.)
  
  
• BEER ARMOUR - n. The invisible protective clothing that prevents injury on the way home from the pub by shielding the body from all sensation of damage on contact with the pavement. (AN AMAZING SPECIAL POWER TO BE NOTED IN THE HALL OF AMAZING SPECIAL POWERS OF AMAZING POWERS BY PEOPLE THAT HAVE AMAZING POWERS.)
  
  
• BAT IN THE CAVE - n. A precariously suspended bogie that hangs upsettingly in someone's nostril.
  
  
• BARBER'S POLE - n. Four foot long red and white striped pole placed at the bedside that once greeted Mojo on awaking from a night on the Mandela. (See 'Beerwolf') *Flashback* "What the fuck????"
  
  
• SHEPHERD'S PIE - n. Local concoction of lamb stuffed with spuds and eaten by yobo's.
  
  
• COTTAGE PIE - n. A local yobo walking into a toilet with a shepherd's pie looking to stuff his spuds in some fag's shitter.
  
  
• WOULD I SUIT A BEARD? - n. A pose in which one instructs one's missus to do a naked handstand in front of a mirror, while the male stands behind resting his chin on her groin and saying the words; "Would I suit a beard or what love???"
  
  
• BED GLUE - n. A common phenomenon experienced by myself (Mojo) every weekday morning. After staying up until 3 a.m the night previous with a bizarre selection of what only can be described as inbred halfwits, talking complete and utter nonsensical bilge whilst playing soldiers. I'm often found still in bed at 10 a.m with the disturbing knowledge that I still have a ridiculous amount of work to do. Having now taken on the name of 'Arthur Day' by the vast majority of my customers. (qv) The inability to get out of bed. 'Bed glue'.
  
  
• PAINT SHOP PRO 7 - n. An evil invention created by non other than the devil himself. This wicked program is an essential tool for any BMW member. Ingredients; One innocent holiday picture with the bird sipping unsuspectingly on an extra strong cocktail with a bevvy of miniature umbrellas in it... End result; countless images of your face pasted on a whole range of creatures/bodies in various situations. Quote: "OH fuckin hell! Wab's been on paint shop again!!!"
  
  
• RETURN SERVE - n. The reappearance of a turd you thought you had seen the last of.
  
  
• RING BURNER - n. An exceptionally hot curry prepared for the entertainment of the waiters and kitchen staff in Indian restaurants.
  
  
• DRAGON'S NOSTRIL - n. The day after the curry the night before. (qv) "Fuckin ell! I've got a ring piece like a dragon's nostril!!"
  
  
• RUB THE END OFF IT - n. To use half a toilet roll to sand down a turd you just haven't got the time to finish... *Brrrrrrrrrrring briiiiing... Brrrrrrrrrrring briiiiing... "BASTARD PHONE!!!" Brrrrrrrrrrring... scrafflemufflescruffle*
  
  
• COYOTE UGLY a mong of epic ugliness, swamp donkey .You wake up in the morning and have a flash back of 15 nelsons 4 vodkas and 3 slippery nipples, the obligatory yawn and stretch followed by the usual morning glory and big cock day scenario one notices that this thing is on top of your arm. At closer inspection you notice the wench is of the Clingon race and think reaaaaaaaal hard how she ended up in your bed . Never the less she is there and you are now in a pickle because you have noticed YOU are in HER apartment and realise you have to get the fuck out of there before she wakes up. Hence you chew your own arm off like a coyote with its foot stuck in a bear trap so not to wake the beast up.
• WHAT ARE THE CHANCES 8 days to go till the wedding and the local Vickers that was to wed the couple has just lost his mother to the lord ol mighty him self , the church has no roof , the baby eating arch bishop of Canterbury  has bestowed his blessing but could make it , the bishop of Ledlow will be there and so will the bishop of Hellyford but will only take part if the wedding is to be conducted in his blessed church and not the local registrar office .The wife to be has just got sunstroke the groom to be hasn't got rid of his eel porn collection. Then to top it off Elvis will be playing at the reception , I tell u what ...  WHAT ARE THE CHANCES !!!
• PANT HAMSTER - n. Prey of the one eyed purple bed snake.
• THE DRINKING LIMB - n. The most valuable limb of a BMW member. e.g. *BMW member's missus: "Lets go into town and do some shopping." *BMW member: "Fuck off! I'd rather chew off mi drinking arm!" see 'Coyote ugly'.
• WHORE MONKEY - fuck knows what it means but all credit goes out to JOKER for it
• WALNUT WHIP -  Once one has had a Big Cock day and has achieved a woody for 24 hours , he then finds him self with a shrivelled lifeless member which resembles a walnut whip . (qv) Henry took one look at his little fella and was amazed to find his stonker had gone and was left with a walnut whip.
• MONKEY'S ARM - n. A turd that resembles some form of aquatic primate's arm reaching around the u-bend.
• TEA-TOWEL HOLDER - (qv) Rusty Sheriff's badge. (qv) Chocolate starfish.
• GROUND-FORCE MAP - n. A delta force map with a little too much foliage. e.g. Dusty: "Where the fucks Charlie Dimmock??"
• MACKEREL MUFF n. An unkempt Clown's pocket/Wizard's sleeve swiftly reminding oneself of his last visit to Fleetwood fishing port. e.g. "Jesus Ste, I swear to you! It was like bobbin' for sardines!"
  COCKFISH n. A term of endearment used when addressing one's chum. e.g. "For fuck's sakes Rob SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU COCKFISH!" Also used to describe a 'multiple shagged unwashed cock.' See 'MACKEREL MUFF'.
• ABSOFUCKINLUTELYEXACTOMONDO n. To agree wholeheartedly. e.g. "Yeah."
• THANK YOUR MOTHER FOR THE RABBITS n. e.g. "Ave it!" or "Tatar for now." abbrev. 'TYMFTR'.
• MOBILE THRONE A Portable shit house often found on building sites and music festivals. Avoided as the floor is two inches deep in turds. aka Doctor Poo's tardis.
• FUCK ME I'VE OPENED ANOTHER ONE n. A stage of drunkenness. The point when one realises he has somehow managed to open another bottle of beer unbeknown he still has a full one that he opened less than five minutes ago. e.g. 'The present moment in time in which I am typing this.' e.g. "Fuck me I've opened another one?!?."
• KEBAB HOUSE TRACTOR BEAM n. To suddenly feel the urge to go to the local 'Salmonella joint' and risk the chances of death in two ways. 1) Projectile double ended 'shit-vomiting' caused by eating last years Grand National first fence faller on a nan bread. 2) To be waiting for the glorious feast and to have some half witted cunto want to punch seven shades of diarrhoea out of you for no reason whatsoever.
• BAKED BEAN TINS n. A microphone/headset combo with the sound quality of listening through a 40 foot drinking straw whilst slumming it with tramps under a railway bridge. Bought from any good electrical shop for the equivalent of a pint n' two bags of walkers.
• WHIPLASH n. To rise from a seat with your 'Baked bean tins' on and to unwittingly place ones size 9 on the wire whilst heading swiftly for a piss. e.g. !) Rise 2) Step 3) Stride 4) "Arghhhhhh!"
• SUCK MA BAWS BITCH n. (Delta Force) A phrase used when shooting someone in the head who has just killed you seven times on the trot from your spawn point. (After you've typed: 'LKAJKJHFDLAKJSFHLKASJFL;K' at least four times.) note, see: LKAJKJHDLAKJSFHLKASJFL;K.
• ROGER EL CATO n. Roger the cat's Spanish cousin, see ROGER THE CAT. A term used in agreement. e.g. "si senor", "muchas indeedes", "Garcia's el muthero por del rabbitas."
• OH FUCKIN HELL NO! n. The immediate thought that pops into your head when you wake up and realise its Monday morning.
• FUCK IT n. The thought you have has you roll over in bed having decided you're going to give yourself Monday off.
  
  
• FUCK, SHIT, TWAT, CUNT, BOLLOCKS! n. The first thought that comes into your head on Tuesday morning, as you wake; realising haven given yourself the Monday off; you now have to work harder for the remainder of the week to catch up.
  
  
• FUCK, FUCK, FUCKK, BASTTTTTTTTAAAARRRDDD, FUCK!!! n. On awakening bright and early Wednesday morning you realise that not only is 'the man upstairs' having a little piddle; he's got his gigantic Godly cock out and is proceeding to piss all over the place in a fashion not too dissimilar to the feeling you get having held 8 pints of lager in your bladder for a five hour coach trip back from 'Laaaaandan'.
  
  
• REFILLABLE BEER CANS n. Discarded cans found on coaches....  "Fuckin ell! Not only is this beer warm.... it tastes a fuckin piss?!?"
  
  
• W.T.F  n. the phrase used when one looks down on the ground at the rolling brown apple type object at ya feet , only to have ya faced taken off by the apple actually being a nade chucked in by some clever cunt upstairs.
  
  
• MONG MAGNET n. One whom seems to only attract the attentions of women beaten by the ugly stick. e.g. "Yeah, she was no oil painting but I shagged her anyway....... Who's fuckin' round is it???"
  
  
• SOCK MONSTER n. A mythical creature of the night who somehow takes one of your socks from each pair.
  
  
• SOCK VORTEX n. The lost sock world in which the sock army prevails (Dimension size 6-11) Also known as the top of the washing machine drum.
  
  
• A GIFT FROM THE SOCK GOD n. Typical Christmas present. e.g. Two pairs of socks. Sometimes accompanied by a litre of Old Spice.
  
  
• BURNT FISH FINGERS n. Captain Birdseye's placed on the grill 15 minutes ago. e.g. *Sniff....Sniff* "Fucccck!" *BEEP,BEEP,BEEP,BEEP,BEEP e.c.t*
  
  
• MONG JUICE n. A magical form of liquid consumed in pubs and clubs. Once its powers take hold of you, Mongs mysteriously transform into beautiful sex goddesses .a.k.a. Beer Goggles.
  
  
• FISHED FINGER - The aftermath of a good night out ,- qv "*((index finger))* sniff sniff* . . daaamn!. I got  to was me hands ."
  
  
• FUCK NUT - The cunt you didn't want to meet on a night out with ya Miss / works with ya miss / thinks ya miss is a hotty / has that look in his eyes ( you know the look im on about ), try's his best to shake your hand like a man and over does it on the , im a man style hand shake grip, so you decide to add a slight more grip your self till you make his eyes bleed .So to end it all you eventually stand up look and he realises your 6' 2" and he's only 5'6" and the the look in YOUR eyes says it all ... " I will fuckin beat you till you cry like a little girl that's just lost her dolly called Zelda , ,now go and fetch me a beer cunt "
  
  
• 90% SORTEDThe last brave words spoken by a very brave man inviting the whole BMW squad back to his place for a weekend piss up session.
  
  
• COCK MONSTER - A massive yet fruity twat that can devour a mans whop in one foul carnivores bite.
  
  
• FLUFF SMORGASBORDWhen one stands aside and admires the scenery of the delicatessen / buffet style wonderings of the  gratuitous amount of fluff wondering around the dance floor waiting for the right twat to say ....." nice tits ...... wana dance ....?" 
• TARDThat fella that wonders around shaking everybody's hand at a wedding reception saying , "hi nice to meet ya I'm Gilbert" , normally a spaz or a retarded or slightly rob'ish kind of chap.
• PUFF ADDER - n. A gay mathematics teacher. Or that rather camp looking/sounding chap on the tills at your local supermarket.
• GLOVE BOX - n. A bird with a rather spacious clown's pocket. a.k.a. glove puppet or sooty.
  
• ARM'S LIKE CHIPS - n. A term used to describe one's chum's rather weedy arms.
  
• HORSEMONKEY - n. A mythical BMW creature believed to have spawned in Roman times. A Galloping beast with the head of an ape, and a liking for bananas.
  
• GIMPANZEE - n. A leather clad pervert member of the ape family. Likes to have it's monkey nuts nailed to a coffee table whilst being half strangled to death.
  
• DING DONG - n. The first message typed by Dusty on entry to an MSN conversation.
  
• DINGER DONGER DING DANG DO - n. Roughly translates to; 'Well hello there Dusty ol chap, very nice to see you, how's the wife and kids?'
  
• DONGER DINGA DING DING DOODLE DING - n. Dusty's reply, meaning something like this: 'Why thank you very much for asking, I've just caught the wife in bed with the milkman, and the kids have run off to join the circus... How are you chaps?'
  
• FURBURGER (LEONBERGER) - n. 'half grizzly/orangatang/dog type-creature' owned by Harry. Weighing in at 400 Ibs. Living off a diet of raw rabbit and chicken carcasses; This magical beast could make a grown man shit a brick in the drop of an hat... But no, this particular dog is more likely to drown you in it's saliva as it licks you to death. Can be found shitting out tree sized turds on beaches and other Devon beauty spots. Often accompanied by a cockney chap muttering; "Jesus Christ.... Baaaa-nanas."
  
• GREAT SURF TODAY - n. Massive 1 foot killer waves as found at 'Widemouth Bay' in Bude, Devon. 150 surfers livin' the dream on a Sunday morning. Nuts the size of processed peas and a cock like a Gerbil's. "Yeah, there's some great surf today."
  
• FUCK THAT FOR A GAME OF SOLDIERS - n. Getting up at 9 a.m on a Sunday, early October spending an hour trying to get into a skin tight wetsuit and catching some waves...... "Fuck that for a game of soldiers!"
  
• ABRA-KEBABRA - n. A magic act performed on Saturday night, where fast food vanishes down the performer's throat, and then shortly afterwards, it suddenly reappears on the taxi floor.
  
• AUSSIE KISS - n. Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.
  
• BACK END OF THE BATMOBILE - n. The state of your Brass Eye soon after you eat a really hot curry.
  "I had a Ring Stinger in the Benghazi restaurant last night, and now I've got a dose of Gandhi's Revenge. My arse feels like the back end of the Batmobile."
  
• BEAVER LEAVER - n. A Vagina Decliner. A homosexual.
  
• BEER COMPASS - n. The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after a booze cruise, even though you're too pissed to remember where you live, how you get there, and where you've come from.
  
• BOBFOC - n. Body Of Baywatch, Face Of Crimewatch.
  
• BOILER SUIT - n. The prosecution charge that you did wilfully, and with phallus
  aforethought,score with a Bobfoc last night. This charge is usually brought by a kangaroo court of your friends in the pub on Saturday night.
  
• BONE OF CONTENTION - n. A hard-on that causes an argument. e.g. one that arises when a man is watching Olympic beach volleyball on TV with his girlfriend.
  
• BREAKING THE SEAL - n. Your first piss in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.
  
• BUDGIE'S TONGUE - n. Small Man In A Boat, or Tongue Punchbag. The female erection.
  
• BVH - n. Blue-Veined Hooligan. The one-eyed skinhead.
  
• CIDER VISOR - n. Beer Goggles for the young drinker.
  
• CLITERATURE - n. One-handed reading material.
  
• COCK-A-DOODLE-POO - n. The bowel movement that, needing to come out urgently, wakes you up in the morning to get to the toilet quick.
  
• CRAPUCCINO - n. The particularly frothy type of diarrhoea that you get when abroad.
  
• DOUBLE BASS - n. A sexual position in which the man enters the woman from behind, and then fiddles with the woman's nipples with one hand and her Budgie's Tongue with the other. The position is similar to that used when playing a double bass instrument, but the sound produced is slightly different.
  
• ETCH-A-SKETCH - n. Trying to draw a smile on a woman's face by twiddling both of her nipples simultaneously.
  
• FIZZY GRAVY - n. Rusty Water. Diarrhoea.
  
• FLOGGING ON - n. Surfing the Internet for some left-handed websites.
  
• FREE THE TADPOLES - n. Liberate the residents of Wank Tanks.
  
• FRIGMAROLE - n. Unnecessarily time-consuming foreplay.
  
• GOING FOR A McSHIT - n. Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food,
  you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member,your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is a McShit With Lies.
  
• GREYHOUND - n. A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.
  
• HAND-TO-GLAND-COMBAT - n. A vigorous masturbation session.
  
• HEFTY CLEFT - n. Horse's Collar, or Welly Top. Description of a very large vagina.
  
• McSPLURRY - n. The type of bowel movement you experience after dining for a week in fast food restaurants.
  
• MILLENIUM DOMES - n. The contents of a Wonderbra. i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually fuck-all in there worth seeing.
  
• MONKEY BATH - n. A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!".
  
• MYSTERY BUS - n. The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.
  
• MYSTERY TAXI - n. The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.
  
• NBR - n. No Beers Required. Someone that you'd chat up instantly in the pub. The opposite of a 10-Pinter.
  
• SPERM WAIL - n. Spuphemism. A verbal outburst during the male orgasm.
  
• STARFISH TROOPER - n. Arsetronaut. A homosexual.
  
• TITANIC - n. A lady who goes down first time out.
  
• TODGER DODGER - n. A lesbian.
  
• WANK SEANCE - n. During a masturbation session, the eerie feeling that you're being watched with disgust by your dead relatives.
  
• X-PILES - n. Unwanted visitors from Uranus.
  
• FLIP MY EGG - n. The act of a demented wife flipping one's eggs (nuts) with a kitchen utensil whilst walking you around the living room on a dog lead dressed in standard gimps uniform. Complete with the added torture of not letting one see ones mates for a pint, and the knowledge of a two week Pc ban.
  
• JACK IN A BOX - n. A turd that refuses to disappear when flushed. "Jesus Christ Bananas!! 3 flushes!!!"
  
• THIS IS A STICK UP - n. Having woken with a COCKADOODLEDOOO situation. It is customary to poke ones missus in the back with the old fella and say; "This is a stick up." Note: Usually followed by a slapped face.
  
• BEER PINBALL - n. When one has come home with ten nelsons (see Nelson Mandela) down ones neck, it is not unusual to find one playing human pinball down the hallway with his head as he tries to navigate his way to the bedroom.
  
• DEER WANK - n. When one is spanking ones bishop and the door swings open, one finds themself staring at the 'intruder' like a deer in the headlights of a 10 tonne truck.
  
• BRAIN STRAIN - n. The art of trying to come up with some more profanisaurus entries.
  
• YAK ATTACK - n. To find oneself typing YAAAAAAAAAAAAK for no apparent reason. e.g. "Good game all".... 'YAAAAAAAK'
  
• JUST ONE MORE CLICK SYNDROME - n. Its 2:15 am, you're on MSN with the chaps and someone goes and does it. You're hoping they don't because its a Monday night (work in the morning) but its too late, they've done it now; they've pasted a link into the chatbox. Its a link all BMW members are familiar with.... http://thehun.net/ So anyway; you say to yourself 'just one more click' and before you know it its 3:06 am and you've just clicked a link saying; 'A blonde babe with knee high boots washing a car from Mike'
  
• COCKADOODLEDOOO - n. To awaken in the morning and find ones private standing to attention. Also the morning call of Harry's pet Cockeral 'Jock'.
  
• COCKADOODLENOTANYMORE - n. To awaken in the morning and to find ones beloved pet Cockeral 'Jock' dead. God rest his chicken drummers.
  
• DIMP - n. A creature who continues to annoy and wind Mojo up until he's as mad as a fellow that's just found a cat shit in his boot, a sparrow on his doormat and moggy spew in his hat... and he doesn't even own a cat.
  
• SHIT BAG - n. A descriptive term of endearment used when chatting up a rather nice bit of fluff. Often used as artillery in the art of 'Caveman Tactics'. (see below)
  
• CAVEMAN TACTICS - n. A form of charm used by a chap to persuade a fit young lady to jump into the sack with him. e.g. "Hey shit bag, fancy a shag?" Note: Could well leave one with a slapped cheek, aching taters and a shattered ego.
  
• TATERS - n. A descriptive term for ones beloved spunk chambers/gonads/bollocks/space hopper.
  
• GIMP STICKS - n. Sticks used to beat ones gimp (or dimp) to a pulp with. Also a lovingly disguised descriptive term used often whilst portraying the art of 'Cavegirl Tactics'. (see below)
  
• CAVEGIRL TACTICS - n. Flirtacious tactics used in retaliation to the advances of a user of 'Caveman Tactics' e.g; Caveman: "Hey shit bag, fancy a shag?" ... Cavegirl: "Fuck off gimp sticks!"
  
• SAWNOFFFLICKHAMMER-sawn-off-flick-hammer - A contribution by K9=DT30=. An irish semi duel action weapon which resembles a swiss army knife ,only about 20 times the size. One can only ponder on the implications of this destructive weapon as he flicks out the 15 pound hammer in a wrist action only matched by Wakko's right arm movement in a beating the bishop pose.
  
• KNOCKING ON THE GENIE'S DOOR - n. To vigorously rub ones lamp until the arrival of the 'Sticky Genie'. Note: Wish one is nearly always; 'Fuck! No tissues!! I wish I'd a grabbed a few!'
  
• CASHIER NUMBER TWO PLEASE - n. Often heard at the local Post Office or Bank, this phrase first coined by Harry the Baaarstard is often muttered on regular occassions on Battlecom. Why? Nobody really knows but it sounds great. "Cashiiiiiieeeeer number twoooooo pleeease."
  
• ROGER THE CAT (Second Profanisaurus entry) -  ok , yep , righty o , oky dokey , aye captain . To also  abuse ones neighbours cat by tempting it with a jammy dodger and them giving it a right good ol buggering till its just a heap of masticated fluff. ROGER THE CAT has lately been heard pronounced in a Cashier number two please style. e.g. "Roger the caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat."
  
• FAP - n. The sound of a man Pulling the end off it/Bashing his Bishop/Oiling his bat/Knocking on the Genie's door e.t.c. e.g. WABBIT : "Has anyone seen Harry? MOJO : "Nope, probably fappin' one of to a pic of a shit eatin' party."
  
• BENNY HILL WANK - n. A masterbation session that starts slowly but soon slips into a sped-up Benny Hill style pace. e.g. 'FAP.... FAP.... FAP.... FAP.... FAP.... *Queue music* FAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAP "Urgggghhhhhhhhhhhh!"
• DONUT COCK - n. The art of getting a female to eat a ringed donut off your knob. As yet; an untested phenomenom...... "Wot d'yer mean yer don't like donuts woman!? This cost me 50p n' there's no fuckin way i'm eatin' it after its been sat on mi bollocks!!!"
  
• TO PEER OVER THE GARDEN FENCE - n. To use the elastic of ones Rods/Undercrackers to hide an untimely erection. Often accompanied by a hunched forward manner of stride.
  
• TO SHAKE A MONKEY OFF YER BACK - n. The attempt to wiggle off a turd that is stuck precariously between the arse cheeks. Note: The 'Birdie Song' is a good example for an imaginary soundtrack.... 'Withhh a little bit-a-this n' a little bit-a *PLOP*'
  
• NO WIN SITUATION - n. Mid-turd; both the doorbell and telephone ring... You turn around and there's no bog roll left. 'No win situation.'
  
• TO FLOG A DEAD COCK - n. To attempt to shag with a beer hampton. A regular Friday night occurance amongst the BMW boys... "Ssssshhorrry luvvve, shlike floggin' a jed cock."
  
• FLOP-SIDED - n. To awaken on your back in the morning and to find yer cock resting on your left leg.
  
• LOB-ON-SIDED - n. To awaken on your side in the morning with a massive stonker on.
  
• SOCKTASTIC SUNDAY - n. To awaken midday on a freezing Sunday after a night on the pop, and to find you've got nothing on but your socks and your bedside lamp.
  
• BUBBLE TROUBLE - To be in the middle of something very important and have that brewing terd give you one last warning before it shows its ugly head and ruins ya best rods. Bubbling terd syndrome.
  
• FAPMATIC - To strum a few berres out , immediate hand to cock cordination when one sees a megla fit bird like in the delta force chicks squad, and continues to rape ones hand.
  
• FAPTASTIC - The enjoyment of fappin. Pleasure gained from fappin till you achieve an OHHHHH face